He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
