Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I AM VODKA MAN
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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