they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Shitshow foam night was such a success
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
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