But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
