I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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