i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
