I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
