Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
