how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
