giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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