Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
