I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
