The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
