I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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