3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
