youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
