PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
