Pappa wants mamma naked
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i love accidental penises.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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