it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
