i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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