All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
