bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
