Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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