bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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