I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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