??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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