i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
try to milk me bitch
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