i may or may not be watching the land before time
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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