Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
