Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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