I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
