just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think i got beer on your cat.
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