Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
