Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
