There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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