Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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