i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
