ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize