I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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