If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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