i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
