How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
