even my farts smell like vagina
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
