Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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