Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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