I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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