and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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