You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
