Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
