It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
