I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize