now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
