Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
