I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
