how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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