mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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