dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
