those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
