He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have aggressive nipples.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
