I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
