No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
