He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
