Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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