know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
