Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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