So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
