whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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