Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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