it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
