this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
