You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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