I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
