Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
